After you leave the community, at some point you will start to feel guilty for the ways you participated in the exploitation and deception. You knew deep down that it was wrong, but you were afraid to leave. The worst part of you was brought out and began to dominate. You didn’t know you had that in you. You thought you were a good person.
You have to use the anguish for good. Your path is here now, and everything that happened before to get you to this point is what you have to work with going forward. You have to become the best version of the person you are in this timeline, not the person you would have been if you hadn’t chosen to dedicate x number of months or years to someone else’s dream.
When you realize the truth, you’ll start to regret the friendships, family, and relationships you lost because of your time in the community. You’ll deeply regret the weddings, funerals, and other family milestones you missed because of the travel restrictions and because you were convinced that the work you were doing was more important than your real family and friends. You might visit the gravestone of one of the friends or family that you can no longer apologize to. You’ll wonder if they still would have committed suicide if you had remained in their lives. If they died of natural causes, the stark coldness of the gravestone will remind you that you traded your last days with this loved one for an empty lie.
Experience this regret, and then use it to help others. Remember it, so that from this point forward you will never again let someone appeal to your ego and convince you that by destroying a friend you are saving the world.